Sometimes, the stars align and I am able to go for a run. Today was one of those blessed days: husband available to umpire the children (check); no-one beset by illness (check); calendar empty of birthdays / weddings / christenings / bar mitzvahs (check); Mummy awake, willing and adequately fed (check).
So off I set, down to the riverside at Kollbrunn for an easy few kilometres to Kyburg, a quick glimpse of the castle on the hill, and back through the woods. Lovely.
I leave the car by the cemetery and set up my iPhone as I do my walking warm-up: Run Keeper on, select playlist and shuffle, wait for the GPS to engage… and Start Activity…
So where is the music? And the Run Keeper lady? Come on transatlantic fitness woman, speak to me…
OK, the ringer must be switched off. *fiddle* No, ringer is on.
OK, the volume must be turned down. *fiddle* No, volume is on full.
So, the headphone jack? *fiddle fiddle* Plugged in.
So what? Why won’t it play..?
Oh – Iggy Pop! I really like this one too. Argh! Stupid old iPhone. It’s done this before, something to do with the headphone socket getting disengaged or something, and you have to take the headphone jack in and out to get it going. Right – in, out, in, out, in, out.
In, out, in, out, in, out, in, out!
It plays through the speaker but not through the headphones. I know the headphones are working – I used them yesterday. Bloody hell!
Adele. Only decent song on the whole crappy album and I’m missing it. God! Bloody stupid old iPhone – it’ll be rolling in the deep part of this frickin’ river in a minute. Why haven’t I ordered the new 4S yet? I bet that one’s frickin’ headphone socket doesn’t disengage. Right, I’m going to phone them first thing Monday morning and order it. Maybe they’re open on Sunday? I might phone them right now. Tell them my iPhone is a piece of crappy batshit and I want a new one.
First run I’ve managed to get in ages and I don’t have any music. I HATE running without music. It’s half the fun. And when I’ve got no music, I just think about how much my thighs hurt all the time. I’m not running without music, it’s just annoying. I’m going bloody home.
AH! EMF – tune! Why won’t it bloody PLAY! What is WRONG with it?! GOD!
Have the kids had it this morning? Little ratfinks… all the toys in the world and all they want is my phone to make endless cup cakes, no interest in playing with the kitchen we bought them at great expense, of course, but give them my iPhone and it’s cup cakes all flippin’ morning, never get tired of it. I’ll sell their bloody toys and get the new pissing 4S only that’ll probably go wrong too…
Why do I always have this shit with technology? I only want some bloody music, not the moon on a stick – pissyshittingbollockybastardbloodyarsekickingcrappycrappycrappyfrickingcatbollocks.
Just WORK you pieceofshitetotallyannoyingletmedownallthetimewasteoffrickingleccyoverhypedarsingApple-Crapplebollockypileofbollockedbollocks! GAH!
Now why can I hear a tiny tinny Marc Bolan? What is THAT about?!
Oh yes, that makes sense.
*looking over shoulder to make sure no-one’s watching*
I haven’t actually put the headphones in my ears.
*fits headphones, flees the scene*