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children, family life, humour, memoir

Poo diving

No, it’s not a typo. Sadly.

You discover a whole new set of skills when you have kids. Opening yoghurt pots with one hand. Balancing bikes on top of the pram. Entertaining toddlers for eleven hours in an airport with only a changing room and a moving walkway at your disposal.

All are now on my CV.

But it turns out that these are mere entry-level qualifications. Fledgling skills. Probationary parenting. Tips crammed from Motherhood for Dummies.

This week, I went off the deep end and earned myself a Degree with Honours in Mummiology.

And so to return to – poo diving. No, it’s still not a typo. Sadly.

On holiday in Spain, I was faced with the choice between paying to empty and clean a medium-sized swimming pool or retrieve Alpha Blondie’s poo armed only with a pair of goggles and a sieve.

Before you ask – no, there was not one of those nets on a long stick. Believe me, I looked. And looked.

It’s strange when you discover that you’re really very good at something utterly useless.

“This is very much like,” I thought to myself, as I sculled across the tiles of the deep end, capturing poos in my sieve with the grace and aplomb of a pearl diver, “those people who can write backwards, or speak pig Latin, or turn their eyelids inside out.”

It’s a unique skill that no-one can deny or take away from you. But not one I will be using again.


About jofurniss

I'm a writer, living by the jungle in Singapore.


13 thoughts on “Poo diving

  1. Holy Crap…..you are talented and provided tears of laughter! Thanks….

    Posted by Lotta | June 28, 2012, 9:01 pm
  2. oh my gosh… this is a priceless memory that’s for sure. Well perhaps in your case a memory of not having to pay the price!

    Posted by Allison | June 18, 2012, 11:47 am
  3. That is a hilarious image. Did everyone cheer when you came up?

    Posted by Rebecca Mitchell | June 17, 2012, 8:13 am
  4. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh how I love thee.

    Posted by Misslexywoo | June 17, 2012, 12:03 am
  5. I usually have a smug “Well, THIS is how I have handled this….” return on your life-with-toddler posts…but today I am stumped. Utterly speechless…You win! LMAO!!! Given the expense I can only image, I would have definitely would have done the same thing. Gladly, however, I have never been presented with the opportunity. God Bless You, Jo!

    Posted by Vanessa (Wonder-V) Meadows | June 16, 2012, 11:32 pm
  6. I still have no idea how I handled 4 suitcases, a dog in a crate, a 2 year old, and a 9 hour flight all on my own when moving here. I am still in awe of myself. Mommy’s just make it work. If we ran the world, stuff would get done!

    Posted by Brittany | June 16, 2012, 11:25 pm

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Gluckspilz by Joanne Furniss is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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